Wednesday, June 14, 2006

You Know You're Addicted to Alias When...


This has been around a while, but I'm running it again for all you new Alias fans! (My comments are in parentheses . . .)

At every fast food joint you go to, you order "the special, no pickles" regardless of the fact that you LIKE pickles.

You believe wearing a colorful wig and tight clothing can help you get away with anything.

You check the sides of old book pages for Russian characters.

Every time you see a black Mercedes, it reminds you of Sark.

You notice every Ford Focus on the road.

You use the phrase "There are just so many problems with this..." at every possible opportunity.

You have suspicions that your spouse may actually be a double.

Your non- Alias obsessed friends (like you have any of those left! Hah!) refuse to talk to you about Italians, prophecies, pickles, wigs, parent/daughter relationships, spies or anything else that might lead to a discussion about Alias. (Angie here: did you know that Rambaldi has his own page in Wikipedia?)

You actually BUY a blue Ford Focus. (With gold rims, of course)

You wonder if Sark actually could be Irina's son.

You develop opinions and theories about this and other unanswered facets of the show, and spend a large amount of time formulating arguments for both sides of the debate... (Angie here: I've even dreamed up answers to some of the conundrums . . .)

The main question you ask yourself shopping is "Would Sydney wear something like this?"

You have seen every episode. Ever. More than 5 times a piece. (I watch them every morning on the treadmill. Keeps me motivated.)

You went to see Daredevil just for Jennifer Garner.

You flip out when you see Michael Vartan in One Hour Photo married to someone else.

The mention of weddings, rings, or two years just gets you incredibly ticked off.

If the topic of TV shows comes up, you automatically ask the person "Do you watch Alias?" and if they say they've never heard of it... you immediately end the conversation.

You hear the songs played in the show.. and you instinctively listen for the lines of the characters.. and know precisely when their lines occurred in the song. (I've actually bought CDs because the song was played during an Alias montage).

Your history teacher mentions something about the KGB.. and you suddenly think "Irina?"

You have a codename that people actually call you by.

You think having no first name is a perfectly acceptable thing. (I tried calling a character "Vaughn," and my editor thinks its strange that I wouldn't use his first name.)

Old Asian men in wheelchairs creep you out.

You will never view epoxy in the same way again. (I have some in my garage! Used it the other day and thought of . . . Marshall).

You find yourself trying to find good, compelling reasons to sway your significant other that your next child/pet should be named "Irina" or "Sydney."

You feel aggravated and insulted when you watch the episode of "Frasier" where Victor Garber plays Dr. Crane's British butler. ("Years of agent training and experience, wasted...")

Whenever you hear a truly interesting song, you immediately think of how that song would fit into a scene from Alias.

You find yourself criticizing the REAL CIA based solely on your knowledge of Alias. (Okay, so a lot of it is over the top. A lot of it isn't. Eschelon, for instance, is Very Real.)

You think Jerry Springer's guests have boring, uncomplicated family/friend relationships and easy, simple-to-fix personal problems. (Any novelist having trouble inserting conflict should take a lesson from Alias!)

You become incredibly irritated when people say, "That girl Sydney, doesn't she really report to someone else?" and can tell them exactly how many episodes behind the times they are.

You begin fantasizing about planting listening devices on your significant other's work clothes, just to see if you can find anything exciting/spy-worthy.

Every time you hear the Nokia ringtone, you get excited even though there's no way it could be Vaughn.

You look for air vents you could crawl into incase of an emergency.

The only people you have on your AIM buddy list are people you've met through Alias.

When you begin to doze off in history class and only snap back to attention when the teacher uses the words "Alliance" or "Covenant."

You record every episode, then go out and buy the DVDs as well.

You dream about Irina Derevko at least once a week.

Sweiss does not sound like a candy bar to you.

You assume that anyone who wears dark eyeliner is evil.

You meet a nice person and immediately become suspicious of their motives.

You constantly try to figure out ways to get Jack and Irina back together.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Alias.

6 comments:

Carrie K. said...

Angie, I just turned to my husband last night during an episode and said, "I wonder if anyone's put out CDs of the music on this show!" ;)

BJ said...

Fun!

BJ, one of your "converts," whose current assignment is trying to coax hubby into having his steel-gray hair styled like Spy-Daddy's (Victor Garber).

He gives me that pinched-mouth, unblinking stare, clearly wondering if I'm his *real* wife.

Or just another Bad Robot.

Leslie said...

I loved it!

My favorites are the ones of Sark possibly being Irina's son, and trying to come up with explanations. I'd thought many months before they introduced her that maybe Irina could have been pregnant when she disappeared and that Sydney could have a sister. I was freaked out when I read that they had cast a character to be her sister.

But the "pickles" thing isn't making sense. Of course I missed almost all of third season, so if its from there, that might be why.

Jane said...

Hi, can totally relate to a lot of these!!! Especially the music ones....have been enjoying your blog by the way. Thanks.

Kelli Standish said...

Angie,

WHAT have you done to me??!!! I haven't watched TV in eight years. Don't have cable. Use an old screen for videos.

Then you blogged about Alias. Now my life as I know it is OVER.

My Netflix cue says the same thing line after line:
Alias, Season__ Disk ___

At night, I lay awake wondering WHY Irina hasn't killed Sydney yet, and feeling sure it's because she's using her to fulfill her misinterpretation of Page 47. Which, speaking of, can we say Arvin Sloane PLOT HOLE??!!!

And being the hopeless instant grat girl I am, I couldn't wait to learn what happened, so after Season 1 Disk 1, I went and read every plot for every episode for the next four years.

Of course, that wasn't enough either, so between Netflix deliveries, I beg my husband to run down to the local video store to "supplement" my habit.

Between those days, I'm stewing over the complete, utter, disgusting brilliance of JJ Abrams and wondering if he'd sell one of his 50 spare right brains.

And did you know you can buy Season 5 on Amazon.uk on October 24th?

Scary, scary, scary.

Please, whatever you do, don't get me started on "Lost" or "24".

:) Kelli

BJ said...

Welcome to Angie's League of Looneys, Kelli. The woman has no shame when it comes to recruiting new members.

Even my husband--who rejected his first try with Alias--has fallen. Our neighbors watch us with suspicion, as we now keep our drapes closed, our phone off the hook (well, only when we're on an Alias marathon and don't want to be disturbed), and the dog guards the doors during showtime.

It's always nice to welcome another member.

And now let me tell you about "24"--which is still the best of the bunch. It's Alias on steroids. You're going to love Jack Bauer...

And, yes, Angie lured us into that fun house, too.

By the way, have you ever noticed how many "heroes" (or "anti-heroes," depending on your point of view) are named "Jack?" I created one myself, back in Cloth of Heaven...unfortunately, he never made it to tv. Probably because he was Irish.

BJ