Sunday, October 12, 2008

Middle Maintenance Mistakes


The other day I was reading a great book called "How Not to Look Old."  At the outset, the author gives the reader a test to decide if she's high-maintenance, middle-maintenance, or low-maintenance.  I took the test, and I'm definitely in the middle.  I like to paint the barn if I'm going out in public, but at home, the dog drool factor keeps me definitely on the simple side. 

Anyway--a few months ago I told you about the beauty test tube .  For about thirty bucks every three months, you get a test tube packed with goodies from various beauty manufacturers. They want you to try in the hope that you'll be come addicted to one of their products.  And it's a bargain--each of those little vials that you get usually retails for well over the price of the entire tube.  (And I have yet to become addicted to anything.) 

Okay, I'll confess that I always look forward to the arrival of my test tube.  And yesterday a new tube arrived, packed with several products in pint-sized packaging, with teeny tiny directions on the products.  And so I pulled out this one little tube that reportedly contained "Lancaster 6 SPF self-tanning bronze care. "  I had to put on my reading glasses AND squint to read the directions, which apparently amounted to "apply to clean, moisturized, exfoliated (ha!) skin."  

I squirted a handful of the stuff into my palms and applied it to my legs and arms.  You're supposed to apply it to your face and d√©colletage, but I didn't have the nerve to admit I have a decolletage OR to mess up the current color palette of this fifty-year-old face. But who cares about arms and legs? Though I live in Florida, I spent most of my summer either on a plane or holed up in my office, so my skin is funeral home pale.  Plus, there's the fact that we've all ditched our panty hose, which means no color below the knees . . . 

So I put the stuff on and stared--not a single change.  Nada.  No results at all.  Oh, well . . . I figured it was more of a lotion and went back to work. 

This morning I was washing my hands at the kitchen sink and happened to glance at my palms--Oh. My. Goodness.  I had brilliantly bronze palms.  I looked at my arms--yep, my bronze tint ended at my short sleeve line.  Whaddya know, the stuff worked--apparently it just takes a little time. 

I ran back into the bathroom, put the reading glasses back on, and peered at the fine print directions again.  Ah--missed a line:  WASH HANDS AFTER USE.  

Okey dokey.  :-)  I'm now trying a face peel, and hoping that I don't accidentally peel my face off.  
Have a good day, friends.  May you always read the directions. 

~~Angie 

10 comments:

Smilingsal said...

LOL I've always been afraid of those self-tanning things; now I'm terrified!

sara said...

LOL, oh I needed that laugh this morning! Did you create streaks on your arms and legs?

Mocha with Linda said...

Oh my. That's too funny. I'm with Sara - hope you got it on evenly!

Kathy said...

Funny. Wonder how easy it is to get it off. It's come a long ways since the days it turned you orange.

Suzanne said...

That's so funny! Did anyone at church notice? (Your hands I mean....not your legs!)

Ane Mulligan said...

I'm afraid of those things. My skin is so sensitive to stuff, I'd probably end up looking like a beefsteak tomato!

I went to church this morning ... with a huge blob (somehow missed by hubby and me) of drool on the front of my blouse. People jsut rolled their eyes - they understand. :) But just once, I'd like to show up drool-free.

Angela said...

LOL! For those of you who think Ane went to church with, um, human drool on her blouse, never fear--she has a mastiff. :-)

As for me, it is actually a couple of days after the bronze palms (I pre-write some of my blog posts), and the palms have faded. The legs are a little more bronze than usual, but I trust that will fade in a couple of days.

All in all, the bronzer is gone and I'm safe . . . until the next beauty test tube arrives. :-)

Angie

Kara S. said...

Thanks for the chuckle! =) I needed a little laughter at the moment and this was perfect. =)

Pam Meyers said...

I needed a good laugh early this morning! I knew what Ane meant about the drool, but Angie's answer helped me realized that people who don't know Ane wouldn't have known whose drool it was. I got a sudden visual of Terry drooling on her (Terry is her dh). What a hoot.

Regarding the tanning lotions, streaking and leaving residue behind on your hands is what makes me shy away from those things. I've ditched panty hose most of the time now too. But up here in the North going bare legged in winter seems a little bit ridiculous to me, although I see girls (much younger than me) parading through snow drifts with bare legs and sometimes even wearing sandals!

Christina Berry said...

I've got to give a shout out to my newest friend in this arena: Ocean Potion's Ever Glow Daily Moisturizer with Gentle Skin Darkener. It retails at our Walmart for around $6 and is a huge 20.5 fl.oz bottle.

Not that I expect you all to remember, but that's how I acheived my delicately bronzed look for the semi-backless gown I wore at ACFW. It gradually builds up over about a week of use and then maintains that shade. Very easy to use and yeilds a natural color.