Mama Said There'd be Days Like This

Saturday afternoon.

1 can of white paint

1 tired woman

2 big dogs.

Woman thinks she'll grab the can of white paint and do some quick touch-ups of the not-so-pristine white baseboards and trim in the dining room. She does the touch-ups, but big dog #1 is sprawled out by the window, where the trim is in need of some attention.

Woman asks dog to move; dog ignores her.

Woman straddles big dog and bends down to paint the trim, bracing herself against lovely antique French buffet that is loaded with glassware. She sets can of paint on the window sill.

Through said dining room window, big dog number two spies innocent passerby on sidewalk. Big Dog #2 begins to bark and growl and generally make nuisance of self beside large dining room window.

Big Dog #1, disturbed by barking, rises up to sit at attention. Woman sees the move coming, and braces herself; doesn't spill a drop of paint.

Big Dog #2, upset by Big Dog #1's intrusion upon guardian duties, snarls, barks, and turns on Big Dog #1, who rises to all four feet, throwing Alpha (woman) against antique French buffet, which slides back until it hits the wall.

Woman braces for sound of breaking glass. Plates fall, crystal lamps teeter, but nothing breaks. Woman breathes sigh of relief just as unnamed, unnumbered and unknown dog knocks can of paint from window sill onto wooden floor.

Woman watches in horror as white paint covers wooden floor, room-sized rug, side of antique French Buffet, lamp cord, wall, and, of course, paint can.

Woman quickly prioritizes: 1) wooden floor. House is on market, floor must be saved.

2) French buffet.

3) Wall. White paint is for trim only.

4) Rug--smells of dog, so will be thrown out eventually. Apparently sooner than later.

Twenty minutes later, woman is washing out paint-soaked rags and wishing she'd settled down with a good book instead of a paint brush. Dogs blissfully slumbering as usual.

~~Angie