Thursday, October 18, 2007

The Yearning


It’s at me again—eating at me in every spare minute, every time I watch a movie, every time I pick up a book.

I don’t know what to call it except “yearning,” but there’s probably a fancy French name for it . . . Sort of like ennui, but not.

It’s a yearning to create something . . . Bigger, deeper, better than anything I’ve ever even attempted before. Something truly outlandish and REALLY unexpected. Something that people won’t even believe came from me. Something that glorifies God and uses stretches the uses of Story to the boundaries of its capabilities.

I feel this yearning every time I watch a really good movie, hear a really good story, or am in the lull between books (like now). It gnaws at me constantly, and I don’t know how to explain it to hubby or friends or people in the grocery store . . . Though I’d love to yank some of them by the collar and say, “Don’t you feel it sometimes?”

Since beginning this post, thanks to my friend Wendy, I've learned the fancy name for this feeling: it's German, and it's sehnsucht. (I feel compelled to say, "God bless you." ) You can look it up on Wikipedia for a lovely discussion of the term.

C.S. Lewis said there's no direct interpretation but it's like "an inconsolable longing." He characterized it this way in his book, the Weight of Glory: “In speaking of this desire for our own far-off country, which we find in ourselves even now, I feel a certain shyness. I am almost committing an indecency. I am trying to rip open the inconsolable secret in each one of you-- the secret which hurts so much that you take revenge on it by calling it names like Nostalgia and Romanticism and Adolescence.”

Ah, that's coming very close. All I know is I am eaten up with this feeling every time I sit down to contemplate a new book . . . and I never feel that I've arrived.

~~Angie

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Angie please keep yearning! Your books have been life changing to me. Please keep them coming. And I believe you will have an amazing new read for us that can touch the whole world and not just the Christian world.

jan said...

your motto "expect the unexpected" describes your writing perfectly! each of your books have been an inspiration. i find that when reading other authors, i am not nearly as challenged as when i read your books. honestly, since i have been reading your books, i have yet to find another author that keeps my interest as well as you have. you are an excellent author, and you have a true gift that will carry you through many more!

Two Sisters said...

What a great post and I can identify with this as I contemplate my next two books. I'm sure you will come up with a great story.

Kay said...

Ahhh, I think I feel that all the time. I want that for my life. Let it show something so far beyond me that everyone knows it couldn't possibly be me.
That yearning keeps you going and maybe one of these days, God will give you a story that will fulfill that. But if He does, then what? Maybe we aren't supposed to ever be completely satisfied until we get on the other side.