Monday, June 21, 2010

Tears


I don't know what's happening to me, but lately I haven't been able to make it through a day without nearly bursting into tears. And I'm not sad--at least, I don't think I am.

Saturday I picked my dogs up at the kennel, and I had to hang my head and look away when I saw Charley bounding toward me because I got choked up and wouldn't have been able to speak.

At Glen Eyrie and last week in Texas, I'd be in the middle of talking about a story--mine and other people's--and suddenly I couldn't talk any more. I'd have to stop and tell a joke or collect myself, and after a while it got a little embarrassing.

At the Glen, my class kept urging me to "get mad," every time that happened, so I'd try to get mad instead of getting choked up, but I'm not sure that effort worked at all.

And movies! Oh, my. When we showed "Departures" at Glen Eyrie, I wept all the way through even though I'd seen the movie three times. And I don't weep prettily. My nose runs and I end up blowing my nose loud enough to be heard across the room.

At the Texas Writing Academy this past week, I showed "Lars and the Real Girl" to my class, and though I've seen that movie at least seven or eight times, I cried all the way through it--and in places I'd never cried before.

And that's not all--when someone begins to tell me their story, if it's sad at all, the next thing I know, I'm weeping--with or without them. :-(

Maybe it's hormones, or maybe it's just life, but I've never been this prone to tears. I'm more a thinker than a feeler, but lately, I'm just a crier. I could be a sobber, if given a little privacy.

Anyone else ever feel like this? All I know is that I've learned to keep the tissues handy.

~~Angie

14 comments:

Jen said...

I smiled when I read this. I've had this phenomenon happen to me. It leaves me baffled, not to mention my husband. One day it suddenly came to me and I wrote it down in my journal so I wouldn't forget. I just had to write to let you know...lol.

Here's my theory. There are three different types of faucets and we each have one. There's the one that turns on and off at will. Plain as that! Then there's the one that needs a wrench or a hammer to get it started. Enough said. Lastly there's the leaky faucet. No matter of turning, twisting, taping or whacking can change what is happening. It's just gonna happen.

Don't know if this helps, but whenever it happens to me and my husband raises his eyebrow with a baffled look, I kindly remind him that it's ok to have a leaky faucet once-in-a-while!

Smiles ;)
Jen

Kristin Roberts said...

The leaky faucet advice is incredible, I have to say.

And Angie, I think conferences like Glen Eyrie are extremely special. There was something about that place, about the combination of people, about the subject matter and the closeness of God's amazing creation that rendered me pretty helpless.

At the beginning of everything I thought to myself, "I'm going to cry a lot this week." I'm not normally a weeper, so I don't know why I thought it--but it became true. It took a really moving conversation with a very sweet person to finally open my floodgates, but once they were open I couldn't stop them. Every night I went back to my room and cried out to God--in happiness, sorrow, joy, and even frustration.

I guess I would qualify as the faucet that needs the wrench. I know now that I definitely needed to cry then. I think this has probably been a time for you to cry too.

I don't always realize when my emotions and feelings get built up. Maybe it's better for you to cry in little bits for a long while. Take it from me--crying in private vehemently is really exhausting.

Angela said...

I like the leaky faucet analogy, too. And, truthfully, I have some deep-seated sorrows that have a way of bubbling to the surface when I least expect it . . . so maybe that's part of it. After all, the longer we live, the more joys AND sorrows we collect, hmmm?

But I love that psalm that says that God collects all our tears in a bottle. (Ps. 56:8). And when no one else understands--not even us--He does. :-)

Angie

Mocha with Linda said...

I'm guessing hormones. I used to never cry, and as soon as I went through childbirth I cried like a baby over anything sad or sweet - including Hallmark commercials! LOL I've kinda leveled out and gone back to my pre-kids dryness. I wish there were a happy medium!

I do love that verse, and it's much better to be tender-hearted than unfeeling!

Accidental Poet said...

No, Angie, you know me - I never cry. Especially not in public.

*grin*

Kay Day said...

I'm a cryer. I love a good cry. Even when it hurts, it's so cleansing. It gets out all the junk that I've kept crammed in for a while.
I do lots of mini-cries, but it's those big ones that get the job done.

I don't know what it's like to not be a feeler, so I'm not sure how the thinkers normally handle deep-seated sorrows. My hubby has the same personality profile you do, but he's a man, so I can't go by him.

My advice? Not that you asked-- set aside some time and let it out. Like Deborah did on Everybody Loves Raymond. She worked it into her schedule. :)

Anonymous said...

I have these moments, but I know mine are probably just hormones. Some days I have a love/hate relationship with them, if that makes any sense.
I did want to tell you about a scripture in the Bible about tears; Psalm 56:8--"You number my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?" I thought that was so amazing that God holds our tears in His bottle.
I heard this first from Bible/Historian Ray Vander Laan's teaching. Did you ever hear of Focus on the Family's series "That the World May Know" or Dr. Vander Laan's website "Follow the Rabbi?" He brings Jewish tradition to his Bible teaching.
I don't know if this brings any help, but I pray in some small way it does.
Miriam (fb friend)

Anonymous said...

Oh, yes, Angie, I see your comment about the psalm.
NOTE to Self: Be sure you read all comments first, LOL ;)
Miriam

Jen(fb friend) said...

My husband and I get a great laugh out of that episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond"! We watch it regularly for good laugh(or cry)...lol
I SO love Psalm 56:8. I reflect on this "tear" thing occasionally because I see it affects all of us so differently. I've began affectionately calling God my "Tear Accountant".
This "leaky faucet" syndrome is something I would love to write about. I have so many other thing I have written in my journals about this subject! lol.

Linda G said...

It could be hormones. It could also be that you are tired and don't realize it. Between all the traveling, teaching and painting you've been doing and the stress of trying to sell your house in my humble opinion you should be exhausted. Sounds like it is time for another cruise with lots of time in the lounge chairs relaxing.

Larry and Liz said...

I don't ever know whether to blame hormones or medication or what. BUT sometimes (recently) I will just be sitting alone, and a movie will come to mind, and I will cry all over again. WITHOUT SEEING ANYTHING. No wonder men have a hard time understanding us. Thankfully, God does. We are fearfully and wonderfully made - interestingly, too, don't you think?

natalie said...

I cried all the way through "Lars" too. Thought I was the only one.

Suzanne said...

I've been crying a lot lately too. I think mine is due to exhaustion. I'm not normally one to cry at the drop of a hat.

Linda said...

Often, just being in the presence of the Lord will bring tears to me It seems like it is deep sorrow and great joy mixed together. I just feel so loved by Him at those moments. It would be hard to really explain that to anyone.
Linda